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Tuesday, 19 March 2013

2013.03.19 Vegemite


I tried vegemite recently, and had to comment.

If you are not familiar with vegemite, it is an Australian paste-like spread that is put on bread, toast, crumpets, etc.  Through popular culture it has become iconic even, possibly best known by its reference in the song "Down Under" by Men at Work.  It is only manufactured in Melbourne even, so what better place to try it.

And like any food that you haven't tried, maybe from its name, packaging, or something you come to guess at what it might taste like.  For no intelligent reason at all I thought it would be sweet, or something similar to jam.  

I was absolutely, horribly mistaken.

I actually pride myself on being very open to food.  It was instilled in me while growing up.  In fact, there was only one food that I wasn't able to appreciate: mushrooms.  Even then, I forced myself to eat some every time I saw them until I learned to like them years and years later.  And now I love them.

I hadn't heard the best things about vegemite, but I'm very open to food, so surely I'll find something to like in it, right?


I like to find the good qualities of any food, but there is none to be found in vegemite.  As soon as I smelled it I knew.  It smelled like something went bad, like it had fermented in a wet shoe for a couple months before being packaged and shipped to the store.  At least the color is fitting - dark brown, almost black.  But I knew I had to do it: I grabbed a spoon, dabbed a bit of it, and tasted it.

The second it hit my tongue my mouth almost spasm'd.  It is rank.  It is not sweet in any way... the best way to explain it really is to envision something that was originally thick, and tart or sour, then it spoiled in a very funky way and somebody came along and put a ton of salt in it.  Even President Obama, commenting to Australian Prime Minister Julia Gillard stated "it is horrible."  Amanda Palmer even wrote a song titled "Vegemite (Black Death Paste)."  

The day has come - I've actually found a food that I do not like, and never will.

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